No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
