I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
