we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
