So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
