At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
