His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
