i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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