Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm at about main and main street
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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