this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
