You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
COCAINE IS GR8
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
