I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
