Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
