There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
