Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
