I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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