I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
