I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
