Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
