I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
