Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I cannot find my penis.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I will pee on everything he values.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
