I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You are the jesus of drinking
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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