Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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