I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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