Don't make out with my wife yet
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
