I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
