this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
