Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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