I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
