imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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