I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She bit a glass in half.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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