Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
