Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
