I love having hate sex.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
