My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
