So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
