If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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