Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
