So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
