just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
