i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
