People with herpes should wear stickers.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
