I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
