She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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