i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
