i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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