I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
