I think i sorta joined a cult last night
too bad you live with your parents still
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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