I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
