There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
