Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
