I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
