carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm always down for nudity.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
