best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
