Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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