Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
